what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
