the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
