last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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