goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
