One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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