Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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