We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
