just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
