Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
