I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
