how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
