I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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