i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
