Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
