I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
