my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
