Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
