Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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