i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
