Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
