you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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