Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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