I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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