Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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