you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
