i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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