i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
