I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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