Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
