So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
