you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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