Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
