lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I forgot how hot balto sounded
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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