her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
