My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
