If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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