I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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