I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
