we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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