matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's Friday. Sex?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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