You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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