If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
