i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
worst night to have a conscience
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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