had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
