"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
