How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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