You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Operation Purity has been aborted
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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