is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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