I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
