I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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