i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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