have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
