so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
