If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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