Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
