woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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