I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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