the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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