My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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