Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
