Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
