I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
