We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
handjob tips. give me some.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
