you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i love accidental penises.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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