you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
