The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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