Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
