Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
