You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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