strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
