I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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