This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
