none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
